Meal Plan.... Schmeal Plan

Okay, I haven't quite given up on meal planning completely. But I have been more lax over the process (and I think I came at it already with a laid-back attitude). This is due to my current nutrition/fitness autopilot mode and not really trying to lose weight. So I'm not really writing down what I eat or planning too much into the future. I'm trusting that I have enough food stocked to make decent meals. And so far, I have. That doesn't mean that I am not cooking. Here's a list of what I've made recently:

• Baba Ganoush and Baked Chicken from Well Fed
• Brussel Sprouts salad with creamy shallot dressing (I omitted cheese and used cranberries instead of pomegranates)
• Variation of Strawberry Basil Mango salad (I omitted the onions and the chile, and I ate it with greek yogurt)
• No bake protein bars
• Baked Steel Cut Oats (Instead of blueberries, I used goji berries and raisins. And added a scoop of vegan vanilla protein powder)
• Sunshine sauce (used as a dip and a dressing for quick salads w/ applegate sausage)
• Variation of Apple Pancakes (I made these one serving and replaced the coconut flour with a scoop of vanilla egg white protein and 1 tbsp of flax. I also added one half a banana).
• Tostadas from this recipe 

I'm trying to eat more veggies. I've eaten raw veggies with baba ganoush and hummus. I also combined radishes, mangoes, cilantro, and lime juice (in the jar) that I ate with greek yogurt and topped on a tostada. 

Yummmmm, apple pancakes. I ate these after a workout. I was famish at the start of cooking, but the pancakes were worth the cooking time.

What's next:

I'm thinking of making this recipe of Chicken Stew w/ cauliflower rice.

I also have some chicken fajitas in the fridge (boyfriend went to Lupe Tortilla) that I will probably eat with some frozen veggies.

On Autopilot and Overcoming Binge Eating

I saw my nutritionist last week, and I was really surprised at my weigh-in. I weighed 124 pounds, and that number astounded me. Here I was not weighing myself everyday and not counting calories, but I still lost weight? It was so unreal.

The yellow line is my fat weight line. My nutritionist uses a different way to test body fat than my last body fat results. But the decline in fat is still evident. And this isn't even the full picture. I weighed 148 when I first starting seeing her, but my highest weight was 182.

This outcome is good and bad: good- because I know my autopilot is working; bad- because it could cause me to test the boundaries and slack off on my healthy eating ways. I do have a tendency to see how much I can get away with. And that is where I think quarterly check-ins will do me good. I plan on seeing the nutritionist in three months. I will try to keep up with the same autopilot and see where I land in a few months! But so far so good.

I have also started to look into how to cope with a binge eating disorder. Sometimes it is hard for me to tell whether I am hungry or anxious, since both feelings originate from the gut and cause jitteriness. And at times, I want to eat ALL THE FOOD. I can be at a concession stand and just eye in want at ALL THE FOOD... food that I don't typically eat: m&ms, peanuts, ice cream, pizza, chicken strips and fries... ALL THE FOOD. I hardly ever get the concession stand food, but every time I walk away my overall food anxiety raises just a tad. And then when that stress level reaches the edge of the glass: food watch out.

I also think about food all the time: whether it's determining my hunger level or holding back the walls of a food binge. I want to stop thinking about food. I just want to eat, but my brain is always firing. I am constantly thinking: "what next do I eat" "I ate too much yesterday" "It's okay, today is another day (but I circle back to: I ate too much yesterday)" "Am I really hungry or bored or nervous?" I just ate 2 hours ago, is it too soon to eat?".

But wait, if you are a binge eater: how did I lose all the weight?

Just looking at my numbers, you wouldn't know that I am in constant battle over food. It's been a mental challenge for sure. But I have implemented strategies to deal with it- I don't eat 'junk food'; I try to avoid foods that spike my blood sugar; I try to eat fats at every meal to keep me satiated. But with that said, I can still overdo on 'healthy' food like nut-butters or paleo-converted desserts. I'm trying to limit those binge urges.

Through my research, I've discovered the 'binge' voice. I've discovered that this voice is not unique to me. I found this post from "Brain over Binge" which summed up the voice nicely:

"It is my belief that in bulimia/BED, the urges to binge are the one and only cause of binge eating. Most of the time, these urges have a "voice" - one that sounds like your own - which strongly encourages the destructive eating behavior. In bulimia/BED, the woman usually views the voice as her enemy; she knows (at least on some level) that the voice is not expressing what she truly wants."

Understanding the theory behind my urges will help me overcome my food obsession. Because when you finally accepts things, you have to make a choice: status quo or change. You (I) can no longer hide your (my) head in the sand. There is no longer any mystery behind something when you define it. And that is what I set out to do.

Optimized Self vs Ideal Self

Another 2 week update--

So I got my body fat results and I am down 2.5% body fat over the last 4 months. My fear of gaining weight since ditching the scale was avoided as I remained the same weight.

Down 2.5%. You also see my lean mass has dipped down. This could be because I'm not eating enough or getting enough protein. Not sure, but I'm okay with my current lean mass.

The person doing the testing recommends that "healthy" is at 19%, but I'm not going to try to get any lower. My goal for the next couple months is to maintain without counting calories and daily weigh-ins. And this is where I've been spending a lot of time thinking about where I ideally want to be (at 15%) and where my body operates optimally (probably close to where I am now). Optimally to me is where I exercise and eat right naturally; where I am able to see endurance and strength gains and eat to satiety and pleasure without gaining weight. Yes, I believe that I could get down to 15% body fat, but I don't think the mental and physical stress would be worth it because to get down to that number I would be obsessing over calories and protein intake, as well as obsessing over exercise. Of course, ideally I wouldn't have extra cushion on my love handles, lower abdomen, or inner thighs. I pinch my fat and ask myself is the effort and stress to try and get rid of you worth it? And right now the answer is: No, I can live with the fat if I can keep my sanity.

Next week, I am seeing my nutritionist where I do another weigh in. I think I've been even more lax over these last two weeks because I'm not even estimating calories. We shall see if my autopilot is functioning properly.

As far as meal planning: I honestly have been relying a lot on convenience and flying by the seat of my pants. I still do not go out for food, but I admit I've been abusing protein bars a little too much. I'm slowly adjusting to more cooked meals over the next couple weeks. As far as what I have made:

• Turkey meatloaf with brussel sprout salad
• Paleo Chicken Tetrazzini (without mushroom and coconut milk)
• Paleo Almond Butter Bread (I wanted a savory bread so I didn't add vanilla or sweetener. I have eaten it with different spreads,including blueberry chia jam, and turkey bacon!)
• Snack: Coconut/Greek yogurt/chia pudding (with strawberries), protein thin mint cookies (I made a single serving), almond banana bites (I quartered it for 4 servings), Greek Yogurt basil dip, and single serve cashew cream

I've been experimenting a lot with snacks lately. 

As far as my movement for the last two weeks: I have been trying to increase my deadlift and I am up to 130lbs, just a tad above my body weight. I also have been doing quick workouts more, like: this kettlebell workout and stairmaster intervals. I also keep doing different pushup variations (one handed on bosu, decline, incline, diamond pushups). I also had a dance performance last week which was super fun.

You can see that I've been a bit lax on tracking, but I'm still working out about 5 times a week. And I still feel strong. I feel good.