I gave myself permission to binge

Before the holiday break I was doing really well with my nutrition. I'd give myself an A in fact because:

• I was logging my food in myfitnesspal
• I was tracking my macros (although I wasn't always hitting my targets, I was at least in the ball park on low carb days and low fat days)
• I was eating only one protein bar a day

And I was losing weight. I was back to around 132- and not a lifter's cut weight, but I was genuinely walking around at 132lbs and still losing after thanksgiving. I felt lean. But of course the holidays changed things up (I stayed with my family for a week and then back home workless for another week). I could have stuck with my plan- I usually bring food and snacks to my parent's home. But I decided to just let it go. And I knew through experience that when I do this, I will gain weight. However, I acknowledged the inevitable. I knew I would have to work hard again to get back to the low 130's in January. But whatev! Cake! Chocolate! Chips! Pizza! Pasta! Peanutbutter! I won't say I went all out. I had a little of this and that... but a little over time does add up. And there were days (I'd say the majority of the two weeks) where I ate even when I was uncomfortably full. And I was all in- I knew the damage I would be causing. But I somehow was okay with this because I limited it to those two weeks, and I still worked out.

So what was the damage? I dontevenknow. I'm terrified to step on the scale. I think I'm going to go back to my A effort and weigh-in next Saturday to limit the blunt of impact. Because in a week, I will have gained some momentum and my mind will be better prepared for the number.

Even though the scale hasn't validated my weight gain, I know I gained weight. My stomach, arms, and thighs are puffier- and it's only been 11 days. 

Jan 2015. In the voice of the doughboy: Hoo-Hoo!

I follow JillFit and her motto is moderation 365 -- "all about how to eat the exact same way every single day of the year". And I think this is the ideal eating behavior. But I'm not ready for that yet (maybe I will never be). And I can't berate myself because I don't eat that way. Right now, what has worked for me is to have a couple weeks of food abandon and then focus. Granted this strategy hasn't really made me lose weight- I'm still averaging low 130s, where I would rather be high 120s. But I haven't hit 140 and my clothes still fit. So there is victory in that sense, especially considering 2014 was the year of maintenance. If I had to guess, I'm probably 136 right now. And who the f-- cares?

Was the food worth it? Yes, all the food was worth it. Right now I'm uncomfortable and bloated. This feeling will be a reminder why I don't let go all the time. 

I think I'll post a maintenance recap next week to compare Jan 2014 to Jan 2015 (I just want to get rid of some holiday bloat before hand, heh). Part of me thinks I failed because I weigh more in Jan 2015, then 2014. But that will be for a future post. And I can't beat myself up for decisions I consciously made over this past year and holiday season. 

So I did a powerlifting meet....

I can't believe it. I did my first powerlifting meet a couple of weeks ago (Bend the Bar in Austin, Dec 7 2014). Can I call myself a powerlifter now?

It was such a looooong day, but I left the meet feeling really energized and accomplished. It didn't start out that way though...

The Squat

Two weeks ago I worked with my trainer to work on my openers. She told me my first attempt should be at a weight I can do 3 reps of. She let me borrow her knee sleeves for squats, and I was able to hit 160lb for 3. So going into the meet, I thought I had 160 down. However, like I feared, depth was an issue for me. I didn't hit my first attempt because I didn't go low enough. Right there, I thought: "I'm so disappointing. This is setting up the day for failure." I'm big on themes. I like to categorize events under certain headers. And so when I missed my first attempt, I was already writing a loser heading and painting the day with somber colors. But I was with my trainer, and she psyched me up for my second attempt. I put the omen talk behind me, got under the bar, dropped it low, and drove it back up. *whew* 160 down. On my final attempt, I was repeating all the cues, but a lot of it just goes out the window when you unrack the weight and step out. Instinct takes over, for better or worse. Again, I dropped it low and when I got out of the hole, I couldn't drive it up. The novice lifter in me was trying to use brute force at that point, but what I needed was technique. 175 was a no go.

My 175lb missed attempt. I wasn't able to drive it up.

The Bench
Back to themes: I was disappointed I had only one successful squat attempt. The headline at the moment was: "girl barely squeaks by". After warming up for bench, I knew I had my first attempt down. It was 88lb and it flew right up. My trainer set my second/third numbers and she didn't tell me what they were (which is what I wanted). I got my second attempt and third attempt too! The heading of the day was slowly becoming more uplifting- to one of perseverance and triumpth. After my third attempt, I turned to my trainer to see what numbers I hit. I hit 104.7lb for the final attempt (95 was my second attempt). I think I literally jumped for joy. I had a back-of-the-mind goal of over 100, and I'm so glad I hit it. It was definitely the confidence boost I needed to finish out the day.

The Deadlift
Then there was the deadlift. I knew my squat and especially bench were fairly lightweight numbers, but I felt like I had a decent deadlift for a first timer. But at warmup, the bar felt heavy. I don't know if it was because I was still nursing a moody back or what. My initial attempt was supposed to be 225lb, but my trainer dropped it to 215lb. I think I was secretly relieved. I knew hands down I could hit 215, and I could most likely make my second and third attempts if the leap was kept conservative. And again, I hit all three attempts: 215, 225, 237.5 (pr).

My Total: 502.2
Afterwards I tried not to downplay it like I tend to do. I had 2 PRs and left feeling great and not beaten. I think I had some fuel left in the tank, but I'm glad that for my first meet I didn't try to kill myself for the best numbers. I went out there and did my best, got a trophy, got some PRs, and left with lots of learnings.

So grateful I had my trainer by my side. She's awesome!

Conclusion

I'll definitely continue to train and continue to put my best foot forward. I tend to be competitive, but this year I'll let the gains just organically happen. I'm not putting time tables on lifts. I'm just going to do work and see where that lands me.

Below is a mashup of my successful attempts. Squat: 160lb; Bench: 105lb; The deadlift shown was my first attempt @ 215lb (not the last)

First #powerlifting meet. #bendthebar #uspa #deadlift #bench #pr

A video posted by Dom (@lodotrim) on Dec 12, 2014 at 8:21am PST

Just... eat all the food

You have no idea how tired I am of reading about gaining/losing weight during the holiday season. I never honestly thought about it before following lots of health blogs. Some blogs put so much emphasis on it, and its got me wondering:

Shoot, am I in danger of gaining weight this season? Am I doing enough to stop the encroaching  , inevitable fat gain? If I'm not thinking about it, has the fat already won?

The main message is to eat moderately, which overall is good advice. But I find it so annoying, so self-righteous, and I'm over it. The advice is the same for any social occasion so I don't understand the holiday focus. The holidays can be stressful as is- I just feel like this advice puts more pressure on people.

Image from: http://goldenagestrengthclub.com/how-to-avoid-holiday-weight-gain/  And my head hurts after skimming the article.

And another trend I'm finding really annoying is: "Look, I ate cheese, I drank wine, I ate bread- and it is okay. I still love myself." Again, totally agree with the message. But when you look into it: It's one glass of wine, it's like one bread roll. Talk to me when you are actually binging on this stuff.

Image from: http://thisiswhyyourecute.com/tiny-cheese-plate/

Just enjoy the holidays and your vacation. These are not times to stress about your weight. If you gain weight, you'll lose it next month. Weight tends to do that. If you eat healthy and exercise most of the year, your body will get back to its happy place.

Final message: Eat your turkey, eat your mash potatoes, eat tons rolls, and eat all the pie. And if you don't want to? Then don't eat all the food. Just let your appetite be natural. Trust me, if you are usually a healthy eater, you'll be craving lean meats and veggies after days of chocolate and rolls abandon. Don't have the burden of fat-gain hanging over you. It really is okay if you gain a few pounds, stay the same, or lose weight... whatever. It won't be the end of the world either way.

Mix and Match

I like to follow different fitness professionals for their workout routines and tips. But I also like to do my own thing- so I tend to mix and match routines depending on my current mode.

Like today: Sunday is typically my active rest day, but I didn't want to leave the house (brrr... it's cold) to go to a yoga class. Plus, I didn't do cardio on Saturday (typically I do kickboxing)- so I felt like I was due for some heart pumping action. I wanted to workout, but nothing too hard core, because like I wrote, Sunday's a rest day. Frankenstein workout for the win!

I spliced together a workout from Neghar Fonooni's bodyweight quickie and kettlebell quickie, along with hip thrusters and an ab work, to form the following circuit:

5 rounds:

• 10/10 paused single leg hip thruster
• 12/12 feet elevated spider planks
• 10 kettlebell swing-into-goblet squat
• 10/10 lunge jump/lunge skip 

I seriously underestimated the routine. I thought it would take about 15 minutes, but each round was around 5 minutes including rest time (which I needed for the lunge jump combo). I was sweaty at the end of it as you can see in the video below. The workout was long enough where it gave my muscles a run for their money, but short enough where I don't think it will mess up my rest schedule. On Mondays, I focus on bench press and shoulders; so my circuit was lower body focused.

I use Pinterest to pin different exercises. When the mood arises for an at home workout, I go to my board and pick a couple exercises from different routines to make up a 15-20 minute set. Sometimes I'll keep notes in my email of exercise routines I should try or haven't done in awhile. On days where I want more of a workout, I'll create 2 circuits or I'll run to the nearby track (3 minutes away) and work on some pullups and hanging leg raises and then run back. All-in-all, my at home workouts are under an hour. It's super fun to mix and match. I take more ownership in my workouts that way and I look forward completing them.

Throwback Thursday - Celebrating the Past

I've read a number of before and after blog posts, and I usually read how miserable the person in the before pic was. The post basically lambasts the person in the before pic, while celebrating how far the person in the after pic has come. This is not what I want to do today. I want to celebrate the person in the before picture. I want to go back in time and hug her. I want to tell her how beautiful she is, how smart she is, and how generally awesome she is. I don't even want to bring health and fitness into the dialog because hobbies or your waistline do not define your value. I want to take a moment to celebrate the heart in the girl below. I want to celebrate her dedication and perseverance to overcome mental stumbling blocks. Health and fitness was the strategy that helped her overcome her mental fog; however, it was only a tool. She could have easily chosen volunteering or something else to ignite her passion for something... for anything. What matters is that she took the initiative to change a bad situation for the better, and for that--

  Hear! Hear! for the girl in the before picture

11/28/2011- about 3 years ago

Newest toy: Breville Juicer

I've always been curious about juicing, and I finally decided to buy an introductory juicer. I've been experimenting with different greens to see how I can get the most juice out of them. So far I'm having poor luck with spinach and kale. And, duh, after seeing some youtube reviews of my particular juicer- it's the consensus that the Breville is poor at juicing soft greens. But I'm going to keep it and hope I can get better at it. Plus, this juicer was sort of an impulse buy. I don't want to spend more money on a juicer if I'm quitting the juicing game after week 1.

The juice I made this morning:

Made about 5 oz of juice:

• 2 watermelon squares (for some sweetness)
• Handful of kale
• 4 celery stalks
• 1/2 cucumber
• 1/4 lemon
• Handful of cilantro

^^^ This was the general order I put the produce through. Also, in purple, are produce that came prepackaged, which saved me a lot of work.

I really love the taste of green juice. It's not like it is delicious, but the taste is really refreshing and addicting. Again, I'm new to the juicing game- so I'm still playing with quantity of ingredients. I was hoping to get more than 5 oz for all the produce I put into it. I'm sure if I put in a whole lemon or a whole cucumber the volume would increase. Also, I'm a bit disappointed about the efficacy of juicing soft greens- which was sort of the reason why I bought the juicer. I don't want to up the quantity of the greens only to marginally increase the juice contents. I'll play around some more. Celery and cucumber are great to juice with so far.

Dieting is hard

I'm really trying to keep to 1500-1600 calories, but my addiction to nut butters and protein bars is getting the best of me. It makes me wonder how I had the discipline to lose the weight in the first place.

As far as current progress, I'm at my heaviest of the year at 136lbs. I really want to body fat test to see if it is mostly muscle since I started powerlifting. I've gotten a lot stronger over the months. I recently had my measurements done and I'm down in my hips and arms. Not surprisingly, I gained in my quads. But surprisingly gained at my waist. Just gotta keep trucking. I have a meet in October, and I need to be down to 132.