My Journey

• I am a sister to 2 lovely, younger brothers that I couldn't be more proud of
• I am a daughter to 2 hardworking parents 
• I am a girlfriend to a dedicated boyfriend of 3 years
• I am a mother to 2 adorable dogs

And with all that said, if you asked me if I am happy, I will give you a neutral reply. It is not like I am not not happy, but I cannot enthusiastically say "I love my life." But I'm working on it.

I'm a work in progress. And I'm slowly filling in my life puzzle. And you know what got me started, on at least the edge pieces?  A healthy lifestyle

Health and fitness provides my structure. Two years ago, I was floundering. I hated the way I looked, and I was in denial as to how badly I let myself go. I knew I didn't like the way that I looked and felt, but yet I didn't want to face the why. Why did I hate the way I looked? It is as if I would have acknowledged the weight gain then the weight would be a permanent fixture. I had rather flounder in self hate than accept the reality of the situation. Because when you finally accept things, you have to make a choice: status quo or change.

The beginning (2012)

For months I wallowed... I cried... at times hysterically. I've yo-yo'ed constantly, starting in high school. And I was so pissed at myself that I had gained the weight again. In the beginning of 2012, I was at my highest at 184 pounds (around a 40 lb weight gain since the previous year). One day after beating myself up that I failed another month of dieting, I decided to take control of the situation. I realized I lacked motivation. My monthly gym dues wasn't enough incentive to get me moving. So I enrolled in personal training twice a week. Gradually, my diet improved. At this time, I was on a calorie counting kick. I really tried to stick with 1200 calories. I lost about 20 pounds in 2013. Of course I wished it was more, but as long as the weight was going down, I was happy about the progress.

The aha (2013)

At the end of 2012, I sometimes I exercised outside of personal training, but not always. I sometimes stuck to 1200 calories, but not always. I was getting wishy washy. In 2013, I dug deeper into the why I had let myself go in the first place. I really didn't want to gain back the 20lbs I had lost in 2012. I realized I had issues with food and was an emotional eater. If my boyfriend upset me or I didn't like things at my job, I would "punish" myself with food. Binging gave me a temporary high, and I would just let my mind go. So with those realizations in mind, I decided to overhaul my diet and exercise routine. When you finally accept things, you have to make a choice: status quo or change.

It wasn't just about keeping to 1200 calories; it was about sustainability. I looked to a nutritionist for help, and she encouraged a whole food diet. She would tell me if you can't see yourself eating a certain way forever, then somethings got to give. Before I was meticulously calorie counting, and I didn't want that to be a forever habit. I ditched calorie counting and I followed her meal guidelines, which also allowed for 'indulgent' meals every once and awhile. It finally dawned on me when people said that your diet should be a lifestyle.

As far as exercise, personal training was not sustainable for me financially. I was also using it as a crutch. After seven months, I said farewell to my trainer, and I decided to take control of my exercise routine. I took advantage of bootcamp classes that my company sponsored twice a week. I also started frequenting my gym's fitness classes. I also did a lot of online research on how to burn fat more efficiently. I even went on a woman's fitness retreat which really inspired me to strength train more. At the end of the year, I had run my fastest 5K (26 mins) and was the strongest I had been in a long time.

And I was down another 34 pounds! I lost more weight exercising on my own and not counting calories. It just took me time to fill in the edge pieces.

The now

My current eating habits are really shaping into a permanent lifestyle. One where I don't fear I'll backslide. I acknowledge I still need work in improving my mindset around food, but I'm getting better. And I see the light at the end of the tunnel.

For movement, I incorporate strength training, running, yoga, and other fitness classes. I try to work out about 6 times a week. Sometimes those days just include 12 minutes of a circuit with 15 minutes of yoga. I'm not about hours of working out.

I believe that anyone who doesn't like the way they look and feel, can do something about it. I keep telling myself that it is not a race. I've lost about 54 pounds in 2 years, averaging 2.25 pounds every month. 2.25 pounds a month doesn't seem all that much, but in 2 years it adds up. Slow and steady pays off.