Ditching the scale and loving it

I haven't updated in 2 weeks! This is mostly because I hadn't been in the right mindset. I was caring too much about my weight and my eating habits. I was stressing out. I usually weigh myself everyday, and was generally okay with the process. But lately, my weight was fluctuating and my mood tagged along with it. I was happy at the lows, but then irritable and frustrated when I bounced up in weight. I was unreasonably pissed off that I was eating well and exercising, yet gaining back 2 lbs. I seriously was off the slow and steady philosophy, which was my bedrock. And I dived into neurosis.

I knew this stress couldn't continue. So I took a couple of breaths and really told myself that I am freaking awesome.

Face it, you are awesome :) Yes... you!

I had dabbled with this kind of self love in recent posts, but I hadn't really believed it. But not this time around. Hitting a low point mentally shed some light, strangely enough, on what really matters. I don't want to start singing kumbayas, but something seriously finally clicked. I looked at the fat on my thighs, arms, and stomach... and was like "so what." I am strong and healthy. So what I am not at 15% body fat. So the freaking what.

I no longer want to say anything negative about this.

This sense of freedom flooded me. I had been living these past two years not feeling good enough. I had this mindset that I would only be good enough if I hit a certain weight or body fat percentage (where I no longer jiggled). I put all this undeserved pressure on myself. What a burden that was lifted when I realized I didn't have to live with that pressure!

The first thing I did was ask my boyfriend to hide the bathroom scale. I haven't weighed myself in one week, and it has been AMAZING and absolutely freeing. I just eat when I'm hungry and move how I like. It's like duh.

I have also been looking at myself in a different light. I love the fact my body is a mix of hard and soft. I have some muscle definition but with curves. I will continue to eat healthy and exercise, but I'll no longer weigh myself or check measurements on a daily/monthly basis. My nutritional habits are pretty much engrained in me at this point. There are some days I may binge on nutbutters or Hail Merry tarts or protein muffins or homemade popcorn. But those days are few and far between. I need to give myself more credit; I know what I need to do stay healthy.

As part of my neurosis I pre-paid for a body-fat test, which I'm taking this Saturday. If I had this revelation earlier, I wouldn't had scheduled one. But since it's already paid for, I'm going to test. I really hope my current strong mindset will holdup. I am worried that if I see that I gained weight, I'll revert back. But I keep telling myself if I just continue with healthy habits, it will all be good. *crossing fingers*

Tip: If you ever find yourself overanalyzing workouts or your eating and stressing out about your weight, just step back and take a break. That stress is seriously avoidable. Just walk away from that pent up pressure. Let off some steam and have an indulgence, ditch the scale. And say so what to the fat you think you have to lose. 

Embrace your awesomeness at.this.very.moment. Not 5lbs from now. Continue with your healthy routine; take it to autopilot. 

As far as meal planning, I kept to the same routine despite my stress level. I'm writing this down for my benefit. It helps to see what I have made in the past:

• Cuban burgers w/ sauteed spinach and lizard sauce (From Well Fed 2)
• Sauteed chicken with butternut squash and zucchini (From a paper cookbook)
• Valentine days specials: Lava cake and Chocolate Brownie Cheesecake

As far as this week, I'm still eating chicken leftovers.

• For my other meal: Curry Kefir Marinated Chicken w/ Ginger-Mint Japanese Sweet Potatoes
• Snack: Banana Chia Pudding (of course with a scoop of protein powder)

As far as my movement for the last two weeks. I'm not going to write it all out, but some highlights:

• Friday leg days included (not all on the same day): squat variations, cable leg abductors, deadlifts, one-legged hip thrusters and attempted pistol squats. The most I deadlifted was 115lbs. The most I squatted was 105lbs. 
• Monday upperbody days included (not all on the same days): Inverse pullups, tricep dips, many pushup variations (decline, hand release, plyo, one hand on bosu...), negative pullups, tricep extensions, kettlebell clean and press
• Fitness classes: Bootcamp, boxing, and kickboxing
• Misc: 1 yoga session, some turkish getup rounds, 1 12 minute circuit, a handful of treadmill sprints, and dance!

It was a good two weeks of movement!

**And that concludes my 2 week update**